today was nice in school (or, as Germans would say, in university). I got my to do-things done before the first lecture, met Joana before Linguistics and sat between her and Elena til History of the English Language, then went over to HZO 10 and met Lili, whom I spent the rest of the lecture day with.
at home, I had one and a half plates of an instant pasta meal, which weren't over the top, but tasted okay.
I spent way too much time in front of the TV downstairs with Mum, but finally went up to my desk where I answered a couple of questions about A-level-certificate and about the JLT meeting later this evering via icq.
without really having done much, I went there, was the first (and, for at least 20 minutes, only one) to be there. was funny, though, and could be regarded as a nice everning... there was no call from Tommy.

I checked plans with Fa. for tomorrow - to be told that we still do have a date, but since one of his mates is going to be there also, it won't be the time to tell him about Tommy. I totally did not feel mentally prepared for this exposure, but now I don't seem to have to, because it will only be a lunch with two guys... not that I felt like going there in any way. I guess I wasn't too keen on it before either, but now it really seems like a waste of time. what just came to my mind is that I might be lucky enough to get rid of that other guy (who sure is nice and everything) to be able to ask for a couple of minutes to talk to Fa. in private. well, I've no idea if that will work, and it's not like I have so much extra time tomorrow... especially not with the microeconomics assignment group meeting on friday - which I just don't wanna think about. and which made me feel miserable when my dad tried (and totally failed) to give me some advise about how to study.
maybe a little because I had hoped she would listen to what I really had to talk so some one about, but definitely because I hadn't heard from her in quite a while, I asked my sister how she was again (after I didn't get an aswer this afternoon). however, she responded with 8 characters, not wanting to tell me why she is !not! okay.
Hanna, who is totally busy atm and whom I would hate to disturb, but who at least would have listened, is not online right now, and unfortunately, Sarah isn't, either. we talked on the phone for more than six hours last friday night (after all, she is somewhere in Poland and I'm home in NRW, but we did it over Skype and it should have been for free), and I guess she would have listened to what I have to say.
I actually just feel like crying. (thanks for making my night suck after all.)
still do in a way. and even though there should be so many people whom I can talk to, I feel pretty much left alone right now. Fa. could have been some one to talk to tomorrow. and now that I'm thinking about it... why exactly didn't I ask for having lunch with him without others around? I hope he wouldn't have felt offended, and even if he or that Oli did, would that have been so bad? I don't need to have him around me... but then, I realize: it's because I'm me. I'm not the kind of person who tries to arrange things around myself. I use to arrange myself around things. that's how I am.


(I guess I'm in desperate need of some one to talk to, tonight.)


11.11.09 23:52


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